Cooking without the Smoke Alarm

It’s pretty common knowledge that I can’t cook. So much so that I’ve gotten these gifts over the years. I’ll add here that they were given by my mother and my mother-in-law.

An apron for all the times I do cook?


Everyone needs a spoon rester holder thingy, right?




It’s become a joke amongst my loved ones. My husband, my children, even my friends. I’m okay with it. Holidays I’m usually given the task of dessert or salad.

I have a friend who was born with the amazing talent of entertaining and being able to whip up a whole spread of food just like that. I even got so ambitious one year to try to recreate chocolate truffles that she had made. I made lovely choco-blobs that were super yummy!

My sister has friends over and calls my mom for clarification on a recipe and is one of the very few Caucasian women I know who make mean chicken enchiladas. Her Hispanic husband and mother-in-law are very proud!

My mother is Martha Stewart’s sister or long lost cousin, I’m sure of it. My mom can cook, decorate, sew, bake all before company shows up unexpectedly. Both my parents were/are great cooks. I grew up with dishes of shark, tortellini in cream sauce... No Hamburger Helper or meatloaf in my life until I got married!

It’s not that ‘lessons’ weren’t offered. Learning how to cook was just never on my priority list of things to do. I still don’t enjoy it. I don’t have any interest in learning. I still have offers from very qualified teachers. One girlfriend went to school to be a chef- Jim wants me to hang out with her more! I’ll be more than happy to keep someone company in the kitchen or taste test with a glass of wine in hand but teaching me?!?!?! No, thank you.

I’ve read Julie and Julia. I own The Basics: How to Cook Everything, Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook, Fix it and Forget it, Cooking for Dummies, Great American Favorite Brand Name Cookbook, the Ultimate Microwave Cookbook, Mealtime Express and a ton of other cookbooks from Southern Living, Pampered Chef, and Rachel Ray.

I own the microwave rice cooker from Pampered Chef and have only managed to make perfect rice once.

When my husband comes home and sees dinner on the table for two nights in row and it’s something I’ve actually made rather than just heated up or gotten out of a box, he has heart palpitations. Last night I made Stroganoff. It was a huge hit by ALL four kids. Tonight, chicken sandwiches. ANOTHER hit! I already have dinner pre-started for tomorrow night. I KNOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?

Now to my reason for this blog…. I made chips…. ALL MY MYSELF! I cut up the tortillas and deep fried them in oil ALL BY MYSELF. I only managed to kill a few of them and burn myself once!! They are for dinner for tomorrow night. The recipe called for chips and I figured we had the Costco size bag of tortillas so why not try it!?!?!?



I’ve just about worn myself out over the past few days with all this cooking. I hope the family won’t mind Mac and Cheese too much on Thursday.