6 years ago today.... this evening

After the police being called to locate my husband, changing my jammie pants a million times because I wasn't thinking clearly after my water broke, and 16 hours of labor, I got this.....



My Gracie girl!
8 pounds 8 ounces with a full head of dark hair that turned red a day later.



Happy 6th Birthday, my favorite Grace in the whole wide world! I love you more than you'll ever know! I am so proud of the person that you are... even when you are up to no good!

Proud

My children have been my proudest moments in my entire life. They are amazing little creatures who not only warm and enlarge my heart but are the only people who know how to frustrate me and make me completely loose my mind.

The only other person that comes close to "making me feel" those same feelings are my husband. I find him very funny, incredibly sexy (obviously because we have a passel of munchkins together). He knows me so well, it's scary. He's also very intelligent. He has a big bark and even bigger heart. He is one of the most stubborn, pig headed, opinionated people I know. He is one of my best friends. We have grown up together. We both know each others warts and scars and he still loves me and I him. We have been together almost ten years and it seems like the longest and shortest ten years of my life. In all the craziness of our life together, I have never lost my faith in him. He can move mountains and sell ice to eskimos.



This is at his college graduation- three years of hard work, patience, sacrifice, another baby, and living with my mom. Watching him walk up on that stage was definitely one of my proudest moments. I didn't just cry... I bawled! I was and am so proud of him for the man that he is and has become. This is my favorite picture of us together. Not only do I look completely cute and adorable, he is extremely hot in that cap and gown!

And it captures that day perfectly.

Heaven

I think I am just about recovered from my trip and caught up with my life.

Today is my version of heaven..... jammie day with my youngest. We have been curled up on the couch since getting his sisters on the school bus. Watching Playhouse Disney.... can't get enough of the Imagination Movers. Heat is on full blast because I've turned into a mama-cicle. I cleaned my house and got it Cattigan-nized again day before yesterday. So I'm spending the morning with my baby giving him love and then he and I are headed to do laundry and to get bananas (his request).

Can't get much better than this!

Thank you to all my guest bloggers! I unfortunately had to take one post down because of naughty website solicitors. Sorry Liz!

I do have one more to post as soon as I get it. "She" must think I forgot! Muhahahah! I think not, love! Cough it up, sister! Remember, I see you in a month....

Second One In

Today’s guest blog is written by my long time friend Shango. He is an entrepreneur and galleried artist living in Seattle. www.ShangoLos.com

I found an old box of 1960’s and 70’s hippie papers. There was a large box of Heavy Metal Magazines in there too! They belonged to my friend Van. I don’t know if Van knew he was my friend.

He was an old guy in one of the buildings I managed. He had cancer on and off. He was frail but he was a machinist for like 40-50 years. He was brilliant.

His basement was like a laboratory on the wrong side of the tracks. Piles of tools everywhere. Petri dishes. Flasks. Dust. Rat Poo…and weird rubber molds that felt vaguely provocative. I found a plastic box with Psilocybin mushroom spore samples.

I only knew him for about 8 months before he died. He knew the cancer was back. He was getting ready to go to Thailand for one last time. He loved that place. The air. The, well…he really liked Thai PopGirls and such and had alot of their tapes. I don’t know if he liked the girls in Thailand or if he just liked the music but for whatever reason he wanted to die there it was a real disappointment to me that he didn’t make it.

He got sick right before he left and ended up going to Texas to die with his family rather than dying in Thailand where his heart was.

I was not the first but I was the second person to enter his house after he died. His family took his box of important papers but his entire life was left behind for me to remove. I called a junk removal company to take it all but I went back three different times to sit with his belongings. Van had a Rubik’s Cube and Old Computers and 70s magazines and so many old cords and electronics. He had the huge laboratory too.

My mentor thinks that I should do some sort of release ceremony for him so I can let go. I have yet to do that.

Cherish the moments

Hi everyone, and thanks, Cattigan, for allowing me to be a guest blogger while you're off having a blast in New York. I'm Leah, mother of three, and here is a little something that's been on my mind A LOT lately:

I say it a thousand times a day. "WHERE has the time gone?" or "They grow up far too fast." or "I remember when..." And it's true. Time passes far too quickly and my children have all three passed the baby stage and between the three of them, cover toddlerhood, preschool, and elementary school ages. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? THEY GROW UP FAR TOO FAST!

I remember when Emily was a new baby and it frustrated me that I couldn't put her down without blood-curdling screams (from her) resulting, to the point that she'd start to gag and choke. I remember how it used to take her up to an hour and a half to nurse, and how after about the first 15 minutes or so, my mind would start to drift towards the million and one things I needed to get done, and I'd be feeling frustrated that I was stuck in that darn recliner for an hour and a half, wondering why this baby couldn't just nurse and be done with it.

NOW, Emily is in 1st grade, spends five days of the week gone ALL DAY at school. Her afternoons and evenings are spent going through paperwork from school, doing any homework she might have received, eating dinner, having a bath, getting ready for bed, and going to bed. NOW, I desperately wish I could get back those moments I got to spend holding my baby all day long.

I thought I'd learned my lesson with Emily, and swore to take more time to enjoy Jared when he came along, but then splitting my time between TWO kids, doubling the amount of laundry and chaos proved no match for my vow, and I found myself rushing through life a second time. Not to say I didn't enjoy the moments as they happened, but did I really TREASURE them as they happened? Unfortunately, I don't believe I did.

As I look at my baby, Connor, who isn't even technically a baby anymore, I desperately miss those little lumps of flesh that snuggled on my shoulder and screamed bloody murder when I put them down. I miss the little body you could lay on a blanket and leave the room for five minutes, and come back to find it, still on the blanket. I miss how much they used to need me. Not that I'm usless these days, but it's not the same. They can all feed themselves, dress themselves, walk on their own two feet, etc. I was so anxious for all of those milestones, and now I often regret how quickly they came.

I take pictures of my children all the time, and go back to look at them often, and every time, I'm struck by how much more meaningful and special the moments are to me AFTER THE FACT. How each one lets me take a little trip back in time to enjoy that moment again, even if I was too rushed/stressed/whathaveyou to appreciate it to it's fullest at the time. So even if/when my kids get sick of me and my camera, I'll continue photographing them anyway, because I'll know there's a moment somewhere in the future where that picture will be our little time-travel device to enjoy the moment again and again.

Each and every picture is also a tiny reminder to try harder to enjoy life as it happens, instead of relying on pictures. To enjoy my children, and all of the chaos and clutter and drama and frustration (and joy and love and laughter) that comes along with them NOW. To try my best to make each and every moment count.

Am I perfect in my quest to follow through with my own advice? NO! Does it make me strive that much harder to be successful tomorrow? YES! Am I alone in trying to find the balance between motherhood, being a wife, being a maid/chef/taxi driver/etc while still finding time to appreciate all of it? PROBABLY NOT (though it often feels like it).

All I can do is try my best to remember to cherish the moments because these:


turn into these:


IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE!

Turkey Troubles

Oh, the conundrum of Guest Blogging! Although I love to write, my own personal blog is only updated once or twice a month due to time constraints (ie. laziness). So now I need to write for our sassy friend Cattigan, and naturally, I don't want it to be crap. But everything that comes out is immediately met with the thought, "Man! This really needs to go in MY blog! I'll have to write something else . . ."

Sigh.

With that, I finally figured out that I could use this to my advantage. It's my guess that C has more readers than I do, and I know she definitely has more who leave comments. And I need your help!

You know that charming (ha!) drama with the in-laws that always seems to stir up when everyone is crammed into the same house during the holidays? How everyone maaaybe has a little too much wine and people start feeling brazen and saying what they REALLY think of everyone else? Voices are raised, tears are shed, and you spend the following year trying to forget about the incident altogether, only to repeat the routine next Thanksgiving and start all over again. (Don't look at me like that, you KNOW what I'm talking about!)

Well . . . nope. No thanks. Not this year.

The hubs and I have decided to skip out on all of that nonsense and attempt to cook our first turkey at home where it's quiet and peaceful, AND we get to eat ALL the leftovers. Muahahaha.

I'm certainly no newbie to the kitchen, but we only have one oven. And since it'll be just us, we won't have the convenience of the "potluck" Thanksgiving where everybody brings a dish. So, I need some ideas on how to accomplish this undertaking without completely losing my head. Do I cook the side dishes the day before, and try to make recipes that can be viably reheated in the microwave while the turkey is roasting? Do I say screw it and just order one of those nice pre-prepared holiday spreads that the grocery store has been advertising? Perhaps most importantly, am I mad to think I can actually do this myself?

If anyone has ever shared a similar experience and could offer up some much needed advice before the big day (seriously, even if it's "Stop now and just order take-out!"), I would be greatly thankful and indebted.

Blessings!
A.C.

Big Apple, baby!

The count down is complete! I am New York chic, dah-lings!

Stay tuned for a superb line up of guest bloggers..................

Heavy

For the first time since I became a registered voter fifteen years ago, I actually voted last night. I stood in line with all the other history makers and took advantage of the touch screen computer poll thingy. I was even more thrilled to receive my badge of honor....



I make it a point to keep religion and politics out of my friendships. I have friends of every race, religion, political party, sexual preference, shape, etc. in my life. I see people for who they are and I feel as those things don't define who a person is. I recently had a friend who has found calm and happiness in her life. Her choices to get there make us on complete opposites of the fence in most of life. It took her three months to tell me. My response... I was upset she took so long to tell me. I don't care if she were to turn orange with green polka dots and go to live on Mars with three husbands and a girlfriend. As long as she's happy. It's almost 20 years of friendship that is too precious to me.

I was raised this way. I have tried to raise my children the same way.

With that said, on the way home from voting, we stopped at our local discount department store. There were people in the parking lot celebrating the win of our new president. As my husband walked by, a woman make a comment to him that a black man is now president and he probably voted for the other guy. Jim's response "Why? Just because I'm white?".

Is this how it's going to be? About race? The exact way my husband and I ARE NOT raising our children? For ME, it's about the best person for the job to run our government. I have hope for the future.

I hope our next president is orange with green polka dots and lives on Mars.

A day in the life of Cameron Bubba James

As I was TRYING to sneak into the shower ALONE this morning, I was caught by a three year old wanting to join me. I was told he wasn't 'clean and shiny' and he HAD to take a shower.

Cam doesn't have the letter or sound S in his vocabulary. It is so damn cute! Words like school, sneakers, Slurpees. I miss some of his former 'baby' words. The lack of S's will pass too and I will miss not having S in my life.

Usually he runs up to pre- 'chool, filled with enthusiasm to be there. He loves his teacher, the toy trucks and is sooo proud of the work and projects he brings home. Today, he decided half way up to the door that he forgot something in the car. Then we had to go home so he could brush his teeth. Then.......... I finally got him in the front door. We sat on the stairs together talking about how he was feeling and what he needed (okay so I was doing the talking- I'm BIG on communication, can you tell?!!?). He just wanted to leave with me. Mrs. Hurley (Amazing disguised as a preschool teacher) told Cam that they were painting in class. He decided that he was staying and I was leaving. So much for my communication skills.

** The title of this posting.... when asked his name, Cam used to tell people it was Cameron Bubba James. His 'REAL' name is James Cameron D%#&@ Jr. His mama nickname is Bubba. Poor kid was so confused! Now he just reverses the Cameron and James. Hopefully by third grade, he'll get it 'right'.

The smack down

Why do stranger feel the need to tell others how to parent?! I have had this happen to me so many times, I have lost count. I want to come up with a comeback so intelligent and sassy and it be said no matter the comments made. I have visions of smacking the stranger across the face but my name isn't Scarlett O'Hara so I don't think I could get a way with it.

A friend of mine recently had a stranger yell at her for "hurting" her son. My friend.... let's call her Bob... is one of the NICEST people you could ever meet. Hurting defined as keeping a Cameron type small person confined to one spot by holding him using her legs while she was checking out in Target. This stranger even had the nerve to call what Bob was doing child abuse. Bob will be the first to admit that her youngest is a wild man. Aside from using duct tape and 2 X 4s, how do you keep these little guys safe? You can't stay in your house forever. Bob is an amazing mom- she is SO involved with her children- NOT abusing them. Plus, Bob is not 'new'. Her youngest is her third so she kinda knows what she's doing.

But seriously?!?!?! What are people thinking?!?!?!? I had a woman tell me that I need to have a talk with Gracie about running off after it had taken me 15 minutes to find her in Safeway. REALLY, lady?!?!? Why didn't I think about that?!?!? Or the 'fill in' pediatrician who gave me a 'lesson' in the difference in spit up vs. throw up. Cam had acid reflux as a baby and had a stomach flu. His acid reflux happened in the exam room so she felt the need to 'teach' me. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! I'm not new! Or the sales woman giving me 'advice' about having the baby back pack on while in the store with the baby in it. Did she not see the other children with me?!?!? I tried to tell myself that I probably just looked too young for all those babies be mine. My favorite of all time is the cashier at Target..... the same one all three or four times this has happened....... my mom and go shopping with the two youngest. Two adults, two carts, one kid in each cart. In the check out line, while we are standing right there next to the cart, my kids are each given a 'lecture' about sitting down and staying put while in the cart. Yes, in her defense, I understand safety and all but did I mention that MY MOM AND I are standing RIGHT THERE!

Bob, none of my rant was to take away from your feelings and the things this crazy lady said to you. Just to let you know that you aren't alone and that it happens to the most bestest, wonderfulest moms!

Halloween

Yes, this is a real pumpkin... grown by our friends, Brad and Stephanie. Brad currently holds the record for the largest pumpkin in the state.

By this time, the kids have pretty much exploded out of their costumes. It's the end of a very fun and tiring evening of Trick or Treating. So much for all the weight I've lost by (among other things) staying away from chocolate!

Bunnies and Sponge Bob

My children have wonderful and full imaginations.

Picture my wood nymph and my pint size man's man playing pretend on a car ride. They had just received stuffed animals as gifts from my aunt. Grace got a sheep and Cam got a bunny.

They were the bunny family.

Bad people were trying to get the baby bunny.

Cam was making shooting and car noises.

Some how the police were involved.

I stopped asking them questions and just wondered why we were bunnies.

(I don't want to tell you how I REALLY felt about the shooting, police, and bad people. I don't even let them watch Sponge Bob and they come up with this?!?)